Week of December 11, 2000
  Editor's Choice Web Pick
 

E-nvisioneer Your Pear-Tree-Bound Partridge!
'Tis the Season:
The Web Economy BS Generator
Sings 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'

By JACK LYNESite Selection Executive Editor of Interactive Publishing

Sometimes a Web site nails the zeitgeist dead-on. So it is with "the Web Economy [BS] Generator." The BS Generator is part of a Web site created by Dack Ragus (www.dack.com), a Minneapolis iconoclast.


A bewildered Frosty froze in his tracks when he got his
eighth-day marching orders: "E-enable open-source Web-readiness."

Mind you, we haven't thoroughly checked out the entirety of Dack's site. At a glance, the site as a whole seems of no business use. Not so, though, for the BS Generator. If you're anything like us, your mind is strangling on the endless e-babble flying about in the deluge of reports and research on real estate in the Internet Age.

The BS Generator shares those sentiments. Does it ever. This little online tool randomly combines a list of buzzwords divided into verbs, adjectives and nouns. Push the button, and, presto, you get "reintermediate synergistic platforms," for example -- eerily similar to the e-blather bombarding us all.


Sing Along at Your Workstation

So, in the holiday season spirit, we decided to combine output from the BS Generator with "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (which we've altered slightly to fit the verb-adjective-noun configuration).

So here it is. Please feel free to sing along at your workstation:

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Morph scalable e-tailers.' "

"On the second day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Repurpose extensible experiences.' "

"On the third day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Strategize impactful e-business.' "

"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Maximize viral ROI.' "

"On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Integrate out-of-the-box convergence.' "

"On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Repurpose plug-and-play portals.' "

"On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Incentivize cross-platform models.' "

"On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'E-enable open-source Web-readiness.' "

"On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Empower out-of-the-box initiatives.' "

"On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Revolutionize magnetic mindshare.' "

"On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Grow user-centric metrics.' "

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love said to me, 'Envisioneer transparent niches.' "


Come Home, Pear-Tree-Bound Partridge

"Envisioneer"? Jeez.

At any rate, that's our little tune from this week's Web pick. (The role of "my true love" was played by Anna Nicole Smith.)

It's enough to make us desperately miss that pear-tree-bound partridge. But that's the beauty of the BS Generator. It does a wickedly nice job of reminding us of the wonders of clear thought and clear expression.

If you'd like to check out the BS Generator, it's a dack.com click-off under "What's Popular." Please don't go there, though, if the full-bodied BS word offends you.

That, though, is the Generator's only vulgarity. The rest is only prattling incoherence, and it's a hoot because it's so close to reality.

As for your 12 days of the holiday season, whether Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanzaa, we hope they're wonderful. And we hope they're as free of e-jargon as possible - however possible that may be.


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